


Iridescent

by yutopias



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Best Friends, Falling In Love, M/M, Pining, Rated for eventual smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 11:34:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17559620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yutopias/pseuds/yutopias
Summary: The three were together almost all the time: they ate, they slept, they drank and partied together. Sungjin couldn't get rid of them if he tried.So.Younghyun.Jaehyung.Younghyun and Jaehyung.Sungjin couldn't even begin to imagine him choosing each other, but that’s exactly what they did. Sungjin wasn't strong enough to pick--never could because they were always together. Eating. Sleeping. Drinking. Crying--it didn't matter. But it dragged on until he could do nothing.Well, not nothing.Sungjin could never choose between the two, but he never thought that they would choose each other. It didn’t even cross his mind. Not even for a second did he see that Younghyun and Jae would pick each other, love each other.Until they did.





	Iridescent

Sungjin never could choose between them, and maybe that was his problem.   
  
Younghyun is, well, Younghyun. Sometimes Sungjin thinks he’s been in love with Younghyun since the beginning of time, since they met in  freshman year of college and were forced to be in the same room for four years. Younghyun, as Sungjin has noticed time and time again, has a calming effect on his psyche. Younghyun makes him feel peaceful, like all the chaos in the world that buzzes around like a swarm of flies is okay if he could see Younghyun’s beautiful face every day. Everything was alright if they could share a smoke between the two of them, the ashes snowing from the end when he passes it to Younghyun and when Younghyun passes it back. 

Sometimes Sungjin sincerely thought that it _had_ to Younghyun. 

It had been Younghyun and Sungjin for such a long time that it was endlessly captivating because Wonpil could never quite figure out the things that made Younghyun...himself.   
  
It was there, right there, and this thing Sungjin had going on was right there waiting for him to just reach out and clasp it in his hands. To finally take the challenge and make up his damn mind. 

Whenever he decided that yes, it would be Younghyun and that it had always Younghyun, well….something--no, someone--intervened. 

That someone went by the name of Park Jaehyung. Sungjin would hear Jae laugh, cackle really, and suddenly he was back at the beginning. 

Jae with his reserved personality and infectious smiles. Jae, who laughed too loud and constantly made eye contact with him, walking Sungjin to his computational biology class all the way on the other side of campus. That was Jae for you, the one who lived for his friends, the one who wanted attention and got it. 

Especially from Sungjin.

Sometimes Sungjin thought  _ Jae  _ was the one. He just had to be because, although he knew Younghyun for quite a while now, knowing Younghyun longer doesn't make Sungjin love Jae less. He told himself each and every day he’d chosen Jae and, just as he was about to interact and make Jae his, Younghyun would swoop him off his feet and do something incredibly stupid afterwards. Sungjin thinks the way they squabble and mess around is endearing, Jae wheezes for air as Younghyun releases the tickle monster on him and beckons Sungjin over to help. That was the struggle he found himself debating on: the reason why he couldn't choose. 

The three were together almost all the time: they ate, they slept, they drank and partied together. Sungjin couldn't get rid of them if he tried. 

So.

Younghyun.

Jaehyung.

Younghyun and Jaehyung.

Sungjin couldn't even begin to imagine him choosing each other, but that’s exactly what they did. Sungjin wasn't strong enough to pick--never could because they were always together. Eating. Sleeping. Drinking. Crying--it didn't matter. But it dragged on until he could do nothing.

Well, not nothing.

Sungjin could never choose between the two, but he never thought that they would choose each other. It didn’t even cross his mind. Not even for a second did he see that Younghyun and Jae would pick each other, love each other.  

Until they did.  

The memory was branded into his brain, scar fading out of existence just to be ripped open again--he was branded with a memory that had a bit of a sting when he tried to recall it; the scar refused to go away no matter how long of a period of time had passed and Wonpil hated it so much. 

He remembered walking in on Younghyun and Jae completely by accident, announcing his presence with an underwhelming lack of response. They were never like that, never ones to purposefully ignore him when he came home. The flat was quiet, the hall barely lit--the only light that filtered in through into the hallway was from the living room. Dowoon and Wonpil were both out of town and Sungjin himself had a more eventful night planned, but way too many tequila shots gave him a pounding headache that just wouldn’t go away.

It sent him home earlier than he’d planned. 

In that moment, Sungjin felt the air leave his lungs as he froze--he watched as Younghyun pushed into Jae with an agonizing thrust. Jae was on his back, bare against the black leather of the sofa. His legs encased Younghyun on either side, the youngest keeping a tight grip on Jae’s legs as he pushes the sanity out of Jae--who gasped with each stroke. Younghyun’s lips connected to Jae’s neck like a life-line, marking him like Jae belonged to him only.

Which, Sungjin guessed, he probably did. Which bothered him, for some reason.

Maybe because Sungjin’s first thought was that it was only physical attraction between the two. There was no denying that Younghyun and Jae were both above average looking men and, if it were nothing more than physical attraction Sungjin’s heart wouldn't have broke in two.

But it wasn't. It clearly was more than just physical attraction. It was love--it still is love and Sungjin saw it. He saw it with his own two eyes and who was he to even try to get in between what they had with is dumb theories and what ifs?

Nobody, that’s who. 

They didn’t notice him because they were too tangled in each other to notice anything in their surroundings, too tangled in each other’s thoughts and realities that a meteorite could’ve landed right by them and they wouldn’t have noticed or cared all that much. Younghyun was looking down at Jae with so much affection and love that it was overwhelmingly sickening. Jae leered up at Younghyun with slits for eyes, the smile across his face radiating so much unbridled joy and happiness that Sungjin couldn’t help but be sickeningly endeared by it. And then the kiss in the middle of that: the gentle, easy, intimate kiss they shared. 

They’d done this way more than once, if the closeness was anything to go by. 

Sungjin snuck back out as fast as he made his way in, but he supposed they wouldn’t have heard him anyway. When his bedroom door closed behind him Sungjin crumbled, sliding down, shirt grazing the wood and started grabbing at his hair. He couldn’t get the image out of his head then, and he most certainly couldn’t get it out of his head now. 

The image felt as if it was permanently burned onto the back of his eyelids and sometimes, when he felt especially weak, he’d get himself off to the memory and bite back the perverted moans that threaten to spill, swallowing them all down with total disgust in his body from himself.

After that, he started to pull away from them both. For weeks he spent less time with them--almost cutting them out of his life completely no matter how many times they tried to rope him back into their shenanigans. Sungjin was burned raw, scared and vulnerable. He was fueled by anger and a need to lash out--to act tough like they didn’t punch a hole through his chest and stole his heart right out, just to squash it at the end. He failed to realize that, in his anger, he also hurt the others as well, but he didn’t really care.  

If they wanted each other, fine. He didn’t care, there are billions of people in the world--two less opportunities didn’t really matter to him anyway. 

Sungjin went out and partied, the sting of soju gliding down his throat numbing his emotional pain. He got drunk and left a string of people in his wake--man or woman, it didn’t matter, he just needed someone to numb the pain. He’d always bring their scent home with him. Once was a man, no older than twenty-five, and the scent of cigarettes followed him home. The other time was a woman who’s perfume was so pungent it lasted on Sungjin’s skin for a day after their encounter.

He stumbled into their apartment and Younghyun and Jae were always there. They supported him as he took off his shoes, as he tripped his way into bed before throwing himself right on it. Hopefully, he prayed, it would be the day that he drowned in his own vomit, so everything could hurt just a bit less. They tucked him in and made sure he was on his side, left water and pills and breakfast in the morning before class and--god damnit, would they just leave him alone for five seconds? All he wanted was to be left alone. He wanted to do right by them and couldn’t, so they shouldn’t even be around him. They wouldn’t even give him the space he asked for. Needed, actually, and he really needed that space. 

Underneath all the bravado there was pain, regret, heartbreak--mentally kicking himself over and over and over and over because if he could just make up his mind once. If he could’ve made up his mind, just once, he’d have everything he wanted.  

At least, most of what he wanted anyway. 

They clung to him even when they had each other: Jae constantly slinging his arm over Sungjin’s shoulder when they walk, Younghyun holding his hand and Sungjin eventually gave up. Younghyun and Jaehyung.  They do whatever the hell they want and he was never going to win.

Wonpil tells him that he should just take a break, come with him and Dowoon to some yoga class that they think could calm him down--quit Younghyun and Jae all together. He would if he could. 

He’s tried it a few times, but in the end nothing became of the relationships. He broke it off and crawled right back to them. Each and every time, they hold him and drink with him and watch a corny movie--they make him laugh and at the end of the night he forgets he’s supposed to be forgetting them. He forgets that he’s not supposed to be heartbroken over Younghyun and Jaehyun. 

But nobody other than them meant anything to him.   
  
Except for Jaebum. Jaebum was special. But, eventually, he left too. Bad boy, he'd whispered to him one day. And he was good--better than Sungjin, at least.  Always had been. He left with nothing but a kiss and some words--I never had you to begin with--to remember him by. He was special, he really was--he was charming and handsome and smart. He understood him in ways only Jaehyung and Younghyun ever could. But that was it, eventually he'd begin to notice what he was to Sungjin: a shade of Jae, a shade of Younghyun. 

Nothing but a replacement for the void that he could never actually fill without the other two. Maybe he didn't love him in the way he deserved, but he did love him. Probably not enough, and not in the way he loves Jae and Younghyun, and that's probably what mattered most to him. 

Still, heartbreak is all the same, so when he goes home, he brings a few bottles of soju and a movie--he doesn't remember which one, ready for another night of sitting between Jae and Younghyun as they brush arms which sends electricity straight up his spine. Maybe he'll cry a bit too, because this was Jaebum and if he couldn't make it with Jaebum then he probably couldn't make it with anyone else. 

Honestly, Sungjin didn’t expect the welcome he got from the two. Younghyun opens the door with a smile and Jae is glaring daggers, looking like he was at wit’s end with Sungjin. That’s probably why he drinks just a bit too much.

He’s spewing words about Jaebum, about how kind he was and how perfect he was--how Jaebum deserved better than his trashy, lovesick mess of a person. He knew he wanted to make it work, and he went on and on about how he couldn’t make it work--looks at both Younghyun and Jae and wonders why. He wonders why, what was wrong with him, and Jae interrupts his sentence to look at Younghyun and say, “I’m done with this,” and walk off.  

Both Younghyun and Sungjin watch him leave with wide eyes. The next second Younghyun’s chasing after him and Sungjin’s left on the couch to cry, wondering how he messed everything up this time and Sungjin stumbles after them both, dizzy and disoriented, with hands along the wall to steady himself. 

He catches Jae’s words.  

“I can’t do this anymore,” Jae says with a hushed whisper, “Why is it that he always comes back to us? He deserves happiness, why does he do this to himself?”

“We can’t just tell him what to do, or what to chose,” Younghyun responds, pressing his forehead. “He’s gotta choose this for himself. We already know he loves us. Let’s give him time.” 

“That still doesn’t change the fact that we’re letting him hurt himself. What kind of hyung am I, letting him do all that messed up stuff to himself?” Sungjin notices that Jae starts to cry. “I’m supposed to be the one he can trust and I’m not. I love him so much, but I’m hurting him.” I love him, Jae had said. 

Fuck, they’ve known all along.

They must’ve thought he was dumb to keep hanging on, to cling to a  tiny shred of hope even if he knew nothing would happen--even if he denied it deep down in his heart. They must’ve laughed at him when he was away, must’ve laughed when he went home to pass out because why not? He was pathetic, Younghyun and Jae had each other and he kept chasing after them, chasing something he knew he’d never achieve. 

Sungjin sucks in a shallow breath, the ache residing deep in his chest clawing its way up into his throat until he feels nothing but sharp pain. His knees buckled underneath him and he falls to the ground. They both jerk their heads this way, Younghyun’s eyes were a mix of confusion and Jae’s were filled with one thing only: determination.

Jae’s stalking toward him, leaving Younghyun to watch as he stands above Sungjin--and it feels too much. Everything might as well be crumbling beneath his feet: Jae’s brushing his bangs from his face, tilting his head towards Sungjin’s and locking eyes.  Jae consumes him in a kiss and it seems too rough. It’s too rough and too forceful--filled with too much want and desire, wanting that he’d been looking for in other men and women. 

It was too much love for him and it captures him like it always had before. Somewhere deep inside, Sungjin had hoped for this, but hopes and dreams barely come true like people had hoped.

“I love you,” Jae pecks him on the cheek. “We love you so much.” Jae leaves Sungjin a broken mess of emotions on the floor and hears the door close with a slam. Sungjin’s staring back at Younghyun with wide eyes, while Younghyun’s kinder stare leaves him confused. Then he sighs. 

A few seconds later Younghyun’s right in front of him, squatting down to cup Sungjin’s cheek. His hands are warm and inviting and he can’t help but leans into it. “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you,” he says, “It’s like Jae said, we love you,” and Younghyun kisses his cheek.  

The sound is stuck in his throat, keeping all the words trapped in throat--leaving everything bottled up inside and waiting to bubble out. Sungjin has absolutely no clue what was going on, can barely keep up with his own racing thoughts and it starts to feel like his fault because Jae had just kissed him and Younghyun was more than okay with it.  

It didn’t make any sense. 

“I’m not trying to ruin anything. You’re amazing together,” Sungjin forces out.  

Younghyun smiles, brushing a thumb against his cheekbone. “You’re a Grade A idiot,” Younghyun says affectionately, “You’re not capable of ruining anything in my eyes. Or in Jae’s.” And then, Younghyun kisses him too. He leans in so slowly and the kiss feels soft, gentle---containing love and affection. It’s barely a brush of their lips comparison to Jae’s, but it feels the exact same. It consumes him. 

It makes him crave more. 

He breaks away and whispers against Sungjin’s lips, “We’ve been waiting for you the whole time, you know.”

That breaks him, leaves him crumbled until he’s hiding his face between his knees. He’s too drunk for this right not; too drunk to think straight and he thinks he’s being offered something he could’ve never expected. Younghyun settles down next to him, back pressed along next to Sungjin in their hallway with an arm thrown around his shoulder. His fingers were in his hair, massaging his scalp and he doesn’t remember falling asleep, but he remembers seeing Jae helping him up and into a bed...or was that Younghyun? 

He didn’t quite know.


End file.
